Story Time: Bessy, the Beastly College Apartment Oven

Meet Bessy. Bessy is a college apartment oven. Bessy is a ... how do I say this correctly ... a "sweet spirit?" Bessy and I have never quite gotten along, and before I ever began this insanity of a diet, Bessy and I were mere acquaintances. I would use her to make macaroni and cheese and the occasional grilled chicken and apart from that, she would simply be there to hold the salt and pepper (though, somehow the salt still ends up missing.)  But the more I used good ol' Bessy, the more I realized that she desperately needed to be hauled off to a retirement home and left to rust.  Thus prefaces the story of how Bessy ruined my birthday.

This all started when I began the SCD (Specific Carbohydrate Diet, for short). I was limited to surviving off of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and meat. And by surviving, I mean starving. That first month about put me in a morgue it was so awful. But I had reliable Bessy to help get me through those hard times. She was a wiz at the omelets; a miracle worker with the sauces; and for any of you who've had my banana pancakes, you'll know she's a true goddess. Food slowly transformed into delicacies as I experimented with oregano, paprika, and about every other spice Sprouts had on their shelf.

"Wait AJ, I thought you said that Bessy should be hauled off to a retirement home? Why are you painting such a beautiful picture of her?" I'm glad you asked. Bessy is one of those girls that's a looker. She slips on her lavish high heels, curls her hair just right, puts on her cherry red lipstick, and wears a dress that leaves all the guys drooling.

Then you talk to her.

And then you're no longer interested in her.

Like, at all.

We've all met people like her. That's Bessy to a T. Her burners just get my heart racing they're so hot. But once you open her up, there's nothing but heartbreak.  And just like all lookers, you're always secretly in denial, hoping one day she'll change. Just for once everything will turn out ok.

It started out with cookies that were always a little crisp on top and a little underdone on the bottom. But of course, I was new to this whole "oven" concept, seeing that mac and cheese doesn't require an oven. So I went on believing that I needed to make a few adjustments to my cookie recipe and everything would turn out all right. Next came the banana bread. I started with an actual loaf tin. I was actually quite proud of the fact that I HAD a loaf tin (remember, I didn't cook). And to my dismay, it was completely black on top, and undercooked in the middle! That's 3 cups of almond flour! That's $5! I can barely pay rent, let alone almond flour! Oh the anger. But I just brushed it off. It must be that almond flour cooks differently than regular flour. I should try an 8x8 and make it thin, like a banana bars. So I did. And it burned on top and was undercooked in the middle (see a trend happening?)

I was furious! I was enraged! I secretly cried a little over the loss of my banana bread (but it's ok, when you microwave undercooked banana bread, it magically comes out cooked. Magic Microwave: 1, Bessy: -3). I did some reading. Maybe it's the oven temperature. Maybe it's the heating coils. Maybe I just sucked at cooking and should go eat dirt. I had no idea. All I knew is that I wasn't getting the delicious food that I kept seeing on Pinterest.

Two days before my birthday. I was completely out of almond flour, and completely broke (every penny I owned went to getting to England for the Brittish Formation Championships). But hey, it was my birthday, so why not blow off groceries for a week, who needs to eat, anyway?  So I went out and bought a $10 bag of almond flour which had barely enough flour to make the cake. And just for the record, I was making a lemon yogurt cake. Let me describe this cake for you. Imagine eating a cloud, just about to rain lemon drops. That's this cake. It was sweet, sour, smooth, creamy, rich, moist, all in one pan. Oh, it was heaven-sent. And it had been over 8 months since I'd had it last, so I was well overdue. Ok, so I got the $10 bag of almond flour: check. I bought the lemons and hand squeezed each one: check. I even made sure I had a fresh batch of yogurt (which takes 24 hours to make, mind you): check. Every ingredient was in place. The oven was preheated. I was gonna make the best birthday cake ever. The culinary gods would shine down on this cake, leaving their blessing for all those who'd consume it. It was going to be a glorious day! The timer goes off. The cake is done!

And sure enough, it was burnt on top, and liquid on bottom.  But you know what, I still ate it! With a straw, mind you, but I ate it! No cake for my family, no joy of sweet, sour, smooth, creamy, richy goodness. Just disappointment. Just a lowly man left with a broken heart on such a momentous occasion.

So I dumped Bessy and made myself a no bake cheesecake.

Cinnamon Muffins

Cinnamon Muffins, Right out of the Oven

So, I came back from Europe and was craving two foods in particular: pretzels and cinnamon rolls. The pretzels were a total flop and tasted like dirt, but the cinnamon rolls turned out awesome! I modified the recipe to make muffins rather than a sheet cake, and I used a different frosting recipe (not shown here). As well, the goal is to make cinnamon rolls without the hassle of rolling out the dough (if you've ever worked with almond flour, you'll understand that it just sticks everywhere).





Ingredients (muffins):

2 cups almond flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup butter (or coconut oil)
2 Tbsp honey
2 large eggs
1 Tbsp cinnamon
1 dash nutmeg

Ingredients (frosting):

1/2 cup coconut milk, chilled
1/4 cup honey

Instructions:

Preheat the oven to 350°C. Mix all ingredients together for the muffins. Grease a muffin tin. Fill tin about half way with batter. Cook for 10-15 min. Let cool.

While the muffins are in the oven, mix the coconut milk and honey together and let chill.

Once everything is cool, top the muffins with frosting and enjoy!

Notes:

*If you don't have coconut milk, you can use 1/2 cup scd yogurt. 
*The amount of muffins this makes and the amount of time needed to cook all depend on the size of the muffin tin. A regular size muffin tin makes 8-10.
*From http://relishscd.blogspot.com/2012/07/lazy-mans-cinnamon-rolls-no-rolling.html

Chicken Scampi

Chicken Scampi

I'm starting to get real creative with the sauces I use because, quite frankly, there aren't a whole lot of sauces available to those on the SCD. But a scampi sauce is basically verbatim SCD, and seeing that I'm WAY to poor to afford shrimp, I decided to make this recipe my own and use chicken instead. So here it is, the poor man's chicken scampi.








Ingredients:

1 lb chicken breasts
2 Tbs. butter
2 Tbs. olive oil
1 tsp. red pepper (cayenne pepper)
1/4 cup dry white wine (SCD approved)
1 Tbs. lemon juice
1-2 Tbs. parsley

Instructions:

Chop the chicken breasts into strips, roughly finger width. Heat a medium frying or sauté pan to high heat. Lower to medium-high heat and add in the butter and olive oil. Once the butter begins to foam, add the red pepper, the chicken strips, and the dry white wine, in that order. Cook until the chicken is tender and white on the inside, about 5-7 minutes each side. In the last minute of cook time, add the lemon juice to the pan and stir. Remove from heat and top with parsley.

Notes:

*If you're not sure what a dry white wine is, don't worry, I didn't know either. It's where there is less than 5 gm of sugar per liter. The safest bet is to find a wine that, under the nutrition facts, says "Sugars 0g" as well as "Total Carbohydrates 0g". Dry white wines are generally available in local grocery stores.
*The if you add the wine before the chicken, it will boil all over the place and make a huge mess. So make sure you do that step in the correct order: chicken first, then white wine.
*For those of you who are curious, the far majority of the alcohol in the wine does cook out. Just trust the chemist in me on this one.
*A traditional scampi recipe calls for garlic. If you wanna add some, add 3-4 cloves, minced, and sauté it with the red pepper for a minute, or until the edges begin to brown. Then add the chicken and the wine after. I never add garlic because I never have it on hand. (That or I'm too lazy to chop it up...)
*You should have everything on hand normally, which makes this a easy meal to make last minute. The wine keeps well, so I suggest you invest in a bottle and always have it on hand. Same goes for lemon juice. Most health stores sell NFC lemon juice. Worth the investment, I promise.

No Bake Cheesecake

Cheesecake and Berry Compote Topping

It was my birthday recently, and as such, I deserved cake. And let me make it very clear: I didn't just want cake for my birthday, I deserved cake! I survived almost a year on the SCD and I craved something exquisite. But, being poor and a horrible cook, I settled with a No Bake Cheesecake (that and my yogurt cake turned into bread pudding...)










Ingredients (Crust):

1 1/4 cup almond flour
3 Tbs. butter
1 tsp. honey

Instructions (Crust):

Preheat the oven to 300˚F. Mix all the ingredients together and press into a 8" pie tin. Cook for 15 min. until it begins to brown. Remove and cool in refrigerator.

Ingredients (Filling):

2 Tbs. water
3/4 tsp. unflavored gelatin
2 cups SCD yogurt
1/3 cup honey
1 Tbs. vanilla
1/2 tsp. lemon zest (optional)

Instructions (Filling):

Once the crust is in the oven, begin working on the filling. Mix the water and gelatin in a small bowl and microwave for 5 seconds, then stir. Microwave for another 5 seconds and stir, and continue repeating until the gelatin is completely dissolved. In a separate bowl, mix the yogurt, honey, vanilla, and lemon zest together. Add the gelatin to the mixture and mix thoroughly. Pour into the cooled crust and let set, about 4 hours.

Berry Compote Topping:

http://everydayscd.blogspot.com/2013/06/berry-compote-topping.html

Notes:

*Real simple recipe. Just make sure you give it time to cool. Make it the night before, and it'll be just fine. In fact, the crust doesn't even need to be that cooled before you add the filling.
*The topping takes about 20 minutes to make. Either make it the night before, or plan accordingly, or top with fresh fruit.
*The recipe I used suggested that you drain the yogurt with a cheesecloth. That takes about 24 hours and personally, my cheesecake turned out just fine without draining it. You will get a denser cake, but plan accordingly.
*Original recipe: http://heal-balance-live.blogspot.com/2009/09/scd-cheesecake.html

Berry Compote Topping

Cheesecake with Berry Compote Topping

I found this specifically for the Cheesecake recipe of mine, but have used it on pancakes, crepes, and about 10 other things. It's just a great, sweet topping for food that is easy to make and quite versatile.












Ingredients:

3 cups berries
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup orange juice
1 tsp. vanilla (optional)
1/4 tsp. cinnamon (optional)

Instructions:

Mash up fruit using a potato masher or a blender on low speed. Combine all ingredients in a small sauce pan and simmer over medium heat for 15 minutes, or until thick. Serve hot or cold, depending on the food.

Notes:

*If you want the topping to be more even in consistency, blend or mash thoroughly before simmering.
*Depending on the heat, the simmering process can take up to 25 minutes or as short as 10. Just make sure you stir occasionally so the bottom doesn't burn.
*Original recipe: http://heal-balance-live.blogspot.com/2009/07/berry-compote.html

Apology for No New Recipes

Here's my apology for no new recipes: I'm sorry. I've been in Blackpool, England for a ballroom competition and am going to Germany on Tuesday. We get back Monday the 17th, so I'll have a new recipe for the 23rd. Most likely Macaroons, but I haven't quite gotten a batch to work out yet, but I'm close. See you all then!

Banana Oatmeal 2.0

Banana Oatmeal with Pecans and Cinnamon

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I've got recipes and experiments that I thought would turn out great, and somehow managed to flop tremendously. This is one of those recipes that went horribly wrong the first time, but I got smart, fixed my mistakes, and now have an awesome breakfast item that is just killer. And if you don't like coconut/don't have coconut oil, don't fret. There's a peanut butter version as well down in the notes section.






Ingredients:

1 ripe banana
1 Tbs. coconut oil
1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/4 - 1/3 cup pecans halves (or any type of nut), crushed
1/4 tsp cinnamon
Honey to taste

Instructions:

On medium/low heat, melt the coconut oil in a small sauce pan. Add applesauce and mashed banana. Stir infrequently until oil is integrated and begins to bubble, about 5 min. Remove from heat, and add honey, cinnamon, and pecans. Mix and enjoy!

Notes:

*Unsweetened applesauce is easy to find. Just make sure it doesn't have anything added (i.e. cinnamon or sugar).
*Feel free to experiment. Try adding apple chunks or dried fruit.
*I love my oatmeal chunky, so I prefer 1/3 cup crushed pecans. If you're more of a mushy oatmeal person, cut it to 1/4 cup crushed pecans. And you could even remove the nuts completely if you'd like.
*Version 2.0 comes out a lot thicker, and the oil doesn't separate from the rest of the "oatmeal". All around a better recipe.